When my kids were little, I wrote timelines out in my journal of future milestones..when each would be in kindergarten..when each and then ALL would be in school...when I would have my life back. The youngest is 18. You know what that means? Freedom!!
To celebrate..I took myself out of Utah and on to an adventure in Portland where my baby sis, heidi lived and was in the thick of mothering.
I sat with Heidi and her mom friends at a bar after the Art Day her and I had with all their kids just a few hours earlier. I recognised the relief and collective time to ourselves. I had it every time I had extended me time when my own kids were the ages of this group of mom's kids.
I got a lot of gratitude from parents that day.
What I felt was my own gratitude.
I loved this little sabbatical in my sister's town at the end of my active mothering. I wasn't in the club anymore and knew I could do whatever I wished without little people dictating my every move.
Eating what and when I wanted...painting and creating and shopping just for me...
Playing my music..singing and playing my guitar..not worrying if a kid had played it out of key..or worried if a kid ate the last of my favourite ice cream..or given any thought to having a job that worked with the schedule and needs of my kids.
I smiled to myself a time or two about my sister having to get home from our play dates to pick her kids up..or include their needs in her own plans. No more of that for me!!! Phew! What a relief!!!
If you're already guessing I'm going to tell you how much I miss daily mothering...are you kidding me? Ha!
I also laughed at my dear granny telling me these are the best days of your life when I was in the thick of it. I saw her clean house and uninterrupted schedule...she was not fooling me.
I love that I can wake up to peace and quiet and paint and draw and eat what I want and not have music or TV blaring..somebody asking what's for breakfast..kids fighting over something silly..bathroom to myself..the whole day ahead of me to choose what I want to do...
What I was grateful for sitting with the wine drinking moms was that there were still kids who I could play with..make art with..learn from. And perspective.
I start a job next week. I've worked with other people's kids and parented my own for 34 years.
It is what I love.
I'm pretty damn good at it too.
The wisdom I have today will make me a good mentor/tracker for as long as I want to stay in this business. Not because I have raised my own kids so well but because of the days where others that had energy and perspective to give my kids what I couldn't or wouldn't...because of the people who taught my kids stuff and listened and housed and took them places and fed them and enjoyed the hell out of them.
It took me some time to let go of my mom ego. Realising that my kids are people..not possessions was a great lesson. Me giving what I have and being able to stand up and be grateful to anyone who has mothered my kids because...well..damnit! I can't do everything!
So happy mothering day..to me for staying plugged in..and for all the people who have been power strips.
I'm happy to be either of these things for the rest of my days.
I will definitely have many more bitch fits about disrespectful, narcissistic little punks who invade my life. And will secretly be loving every minute of it.
