I have been spending some time this thanksgiving week thinking of all those in my path who have been something of a beacon. I feel so blessed and often unworthy of such love. I woke up earlier than usual this morning and got out my huge bag of journals and stuff that I save to put in the journals. This bag has been sitting for quite some time, so I don't know what possessed me..but am glad to have revisited some of the things in my world that have made me most happy and grateful.
Letters from my parents.
I have a mom and dad who have given to me more than just a great childhood. I have five sisters to share their love with and somehow feel special and like they are in tune with my needs ALL the time. The best thing about receiving gifts from these two is that there isn't a reciprocation clause. Yes, that is reserved for politicians as far as my family is concerned. Simple giving when one is able and when one needs it.
Letters from girlies.
and pictures.
When someone takes the time to make a picture or write out gratitude and love, it is remarkable to me. I never take it for granted and usually don't think there is anything attached to this except for communication of thanks. I miss the time spent with my locked up girls..such great memories and shared moments passed between some of the coolest girls I could know. Super blessed to know these bitches :)
ah...cards from my own kiddos.
there isn't a day that goes by that I am not grateful for my offspring. How did I get so lucky?
Each one growing up to be amazing adults..each with their own gifts. My life's greatest blessing.
As I type, my youngest is doing laundry and dishes and moving stuff for me. Not because it is his 16th birthday on Saturday and he wants something special, but because he has witnessed my shit week of being sick and being poor and being pathetic. And because he wants to be part of the solution. If he brings this girl home that he is meeting up with..after he shows her my artwork and proudly introduces her to me, I will tell her that I am the luckiest mom alive.
Friends who get me.
This includes my sisters...who I have thanked my parents for giving birth to my best friends over and over.
They are ones who know the song in my heart and sing it back to me when I forget.
This is for YOU GIRLS!

Saying YES

I have been a job application/interview whore this past season...well, since June when I lost what I thought would be my life's work.
It has been difficult for me to settle into someone else's place, with someone else's rules and sing someone else's song when what I truly want is to be the boss of me. At 52, you would think that I would have it all figured out by now..and at the root of things..I do have it all figured out. If I didn't need to continue to have bread on the table and heat and dog food and transportation to get that food..I'd not have a problem.
So..who am I to think that I am too good to work for a company?
I guess that when I finally have it figured out, there isn't the work out there that fits into what I have figured out unless I make it myself.
I am good at following along for a paycheck when I have to..it's all about the end justifying the means and all that...and I can do it as long as I need to..I am also good at making the best of situations.

I am also good at making art. I am good at being beside a person who wants to make art.
Simple as that.
Encouraging..check. Creative..check. Thinking outside the box and accepting of whatever floats your boat...check.
When my motherhood road ends, I may want to travel around to make and teach art in the nooks and crannies of our nation..but what about now? I have a house that is free for me to do whatever I please.
The voices in my head saying..ya, but what if someone needs to use your bathroom?
And what about the stove that needs cleaning and the crappy wallpaper and weird smells from an old and leaky roof?
Oh..and Maddy, the boxer doesn't trust all humans..ya.what if she scares students from her catdoor in her designated room while you teach?
And what if the cost keeps people away? even if you have done all you can to keep things reasonable and desirable? What if people that could be your kindred creatives don't think themselves worthy of Art Kamp?
Oh..what about parking? Especially in winter? Will the neighbors be ok with their street  being clogged with cars on Tuesdays and Thursdays?
um..cars? that means that you've built it and they CAME!
Yes!
Say yes to ART KAMP! (yep..camp with a K..you got a problem with that?)
Say yes to kindred spirits gathering with their visual journals and colorful containers of stuff from their own stashes. Say yes to music of choice, to free coffee and to inspiration!!!
INSPIRATION!!!
Haven't I told myself NO for too long?
I have the rest of November to clean the walls and sort through the bookshelves and lose the clutter and GAIN the space for all relevant supplies and tools and welcome campers..I mean KAMPERS to the little living room turned studio that my kids think looks like a rental cabin in the woods.
We will make books and fingerless gloves and paper and clay pots and bracelets and toys and pretty things for our own spaces and to give to our kids and our neighbors. We will tell stories and share recipes and peel ourselves away from facebook and have real face time with real people. We will share brown paint that we never liked with the glitter someone else will never use and the yarn we stored will have a new life as the shawl for someone in life crisis and we will breathe creativity into all that we do.
Ya..that's what I will do.

moving forward

couldn't let this day pass without a humble happy dance